SUNDAY TRADING I
"What time is it; has that clock stopped?

Stopped weeks ago, did it? hah

That shows how much notice I take.

One ‘o clock? Good, I’ve still got

A couple of hours yet but

Serve this gen’leman first.

On you go, Sir, I’ll wait...



What’ll I have? Oh, you know, the

Usual bottle of Birchwood Cream,

Aye the large but only ten Berkely Red,

Not twenty. I’m cutting down.

I go to classes on a Wednesday night

To help me to give up, ‘cos

Smoking’s bad for you, you know."







SUNDAY TRADING II
"That’s everything, love, thanks a lot, sweetheart,

Just this pack of extra strong mints and the

Bread and my two cans of Carlsberg Special.

No, wait, no! They’re not one pound forty-two.

Don’t ring that in. They’ve actually gone down -

That makes a change - to one pound thirty-two.

Oh, I know, just when you get used to the

Price of something they put it up, or down,

In this case, anyroad. See you later,

Love."







SUNDAY TRADING III
"Four in ‘ere, in ‘ere" he says,

Expecting me to see through plastic,

Crushed, opaque, as if I’m psychic or

The Man with X-Ray Eyes; I peer in:

Four cans of Tennents Extra Strong.



Nose almost on the counter,
 
Hidden under his old hat,
 
He carefully counts out each precious coin.



"One pound, fifty, seventy, ninety, two pounds,
 
Ten, twenty, thirty, five, seven, nine; that’s right.
 
Done ‘e go shakin’ ‘em up now

‘Cos I don’ like ‘em when they fizz."



He shuffles out, oblivious to my long queue,
 
Who with me, breathe a sigh of deep relief.






SUNDAY TRADING IV
"My brother’s always tryin’ to borrow

Money from me. Owes me a fortune

But what can ye do. Fam’ly’s fam’ly.

He tried to get into the IRA

Once but they turned him down, (just fancy that, lass.)

Aye, I want my usual. A big one?

Oh aye! Heh, heh! you know I

Like ‘em big. The bigger the better!

What’s that? You’ ye never been drunk!

Never, ever? Well, bloody Hell, an’ you a Scot

‘An’all. Ah never would’ve believed it.

You’ve got to get drunk sometime, surely, lass,

An’ have a good time. Me?

I always do enjoy myself."






SUNDAY TRADING V
‘None left! None left!

Whadyamean none bloody left!

Look in the back,

There must be some.

Nah, I don’t bloody want

Somethin’ else.

Fuckin’ useless place!

Not comin' 'ere again!

I’ll go t'

Spar from now on;

That’ll teach ye!’



‘The truth is that
 
You drink them faster
 
Than we can supply them.’






SUNDAY TRADING VI
‘You can’t serve me!

It’s only just gone three.

If Les were ‘ere

‘e’d serve me.

I always get served.

It isn’t bloody right.

The money that I

Spend in ‘ere,

I don’t care if

I’m holdin’ up

The bloody queue.

Aye, I will go through the back

An’ speak t' manager...

Seven o’ clock? Alright, I’ll come back then.’






SUNDAY TRADING VII
'Is this Tuna spread? No? Can you ‘elp me,
 
Please, ‘cos, (sssh) ah done wan’ anyone to know
 
Ah can’t read, so can you find me the right one?
 
It’s f’ a change, you know, but I give it

T' me cat a lot. You know, we’ve taken

In a stray an' it’s the double of our

Other cat what’s disappeared, but not full

Grown. D’ye think it’s’is baby? When it first

Come to us, it’s ribs were stickin’ out an’

Now, we’ve fed ‘im up, when I put ‘im at door

‘E won’t go out of garden an' 'e soon

Wants in again. Ah think ‘e ‘as been a

Bit neglected. Now who would do that to a little cat?

Two bottles of that ‘un down there. I can’t make out the label

from up ‘ere.




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